That's not in my job description

Today I discovered a new hellish nightmare in the health care world. . . being a sitter. While wiping obese bottoms and handling fists full of feces may sound horrific, being a sitter is definitely one of Dante's inner rings of hell. A sitter, for those of you not in the know, is someone who literally sits and watches a patient who is at risk of falling (think of a babysitter, but adults). The patient may be confused, agitated, demented, or impulsive, but the results are the same: you sitting on your rear end for at least four hours hoping that you throw a blood clot. I've seen sitters on my floor before and it didn't seem too bad, every room has only one patient, a TV, and a computer. The worst that can happen is a sleeping patient while you catch up on your trash TV or your email. My experience, however, was somewhat different (and I assume was punishment for my involvement in a genocide in a previous life). The unit on which I was a sitter contained only double occupancy rooms, so even if my patient was fast asleep my TV watching was competing with the neighbor's TV watching. No computer in the room meant I couldn't even silently ignore my patient with Facebook or BBC NEWS (J/K I never fully ignored my patient). My patient was fast asleep during the first half of my shift and after watching an hour of "30 Rock" and reading every article in "Ladies Home Journal," I. . . was. . . bored! I decided not to end my misery by putting the blood pressure around my neck, but instead to use my time productively. I played MASH (I ended up with 8 kids, a small house, and my husband would be rich), spaced out farts so no one would catch on, and imagined what it would be like to destroy Seattle in a fit of rage, like Mothra. At some point the patient woke up and babysitting became somewhat more interesting. When the time came for me to pack it up and call it a night, I was more that happy to do so. If anything, this experience reminded how grateful I am for those nights when I'm so busy I could scream. Too busy, in my mind at least, is always better than being too bored.